(Slightly) Manipulative Prayer Fixes Everything: Preparing To Be A Helpmeet, chapter one

Credit where credit is due – in this first chapter, Debi Pearl focuses on her own story before going all moralistic, and somehow does not venture as far into the crazy as the subject matter at hand could allow. Doesn’t even come close, really. This might be the first and only time I actually like her, and even that goodwill goes slightly downhill by the end of the chapter.

The chapter is actually titled “The Kid’s Love Story”, which is cute because that’s what most of it is. Having read bits and pieces of other things by her, it’s interesting to finally know exactly how Debi happened. Or, in this case, how she fell in loooove.

(I’m gonna keep the irrelevant judgy comments and outside material out of this, I swear. There’s enough to play with just from this particular book.)

At the age of thirteen, during a summer camp // revival (I’m not entirely sure what the right term is – I grew up decidedly nondenominational and we did not DO that sort of thing), Debi felt God telling her that she was supposed to marry the man currently speaking. Let me repeat that – at age THIRTEEN. I was not into boys at that age, and the way she tells it, Debi wasn’t either. And yet she had that feeling, and in her confusion, she told her mother. Her mom’s response? Start praying for him, he’s a preacher and he’s going to need it.

This is a valid point. Praying for those in leadership above us is a good thing. But in this particular odd situation, it feels rather mercenary. Let’s focus as much energy as possible on praying that the person we’re supposed to spend our life with will notice us. Obviously that’s healthy.

The story progresses, paths continue to cross and entwine, and thankfully it’s a good few years before Michael (exact age not given but roughly a decade older) figures out that Debi is even a girl. By the time that happens, she’s 20 and they’re involved in a ministry together. After a series of events and an hour-long drive home from an event, Debi says something completely random – “you know, someday I would love to give you a son”.

I’m not sure how a normal person would react to that statement from a woman they’ve never expressed romantic interest towards, but clearly the Pearls aren’t normal because they got married eight days later. Repeat: EIGHT. DAYS. I’ve known a few people who’ve gone from meeting their Person to marrying them in six months, and admittedly Michael and Debi had known each other for almost a decade at this point, but deciding to get married literally five minutes after that comment? I’m not sure what to think.

Weirdness aside, it’s still a personal story. I respect that everyone’s love story is a bit different and some people’s do not make sense to anyone else. Far be it from me to judge.

Then Debi shifts gears a little bit and instructs her readers to pray for their future husbands. This is also valid, if slightly manipulative from my perspective (I’ve had a few past encounters with Very Specific Prayer and giving more details doesn’t necessarily mean things will work). It’s almost sweet, in a way, and pretty valid advice (albeit nuclear-missile levels of subtle).

Sooo, at this point, not any noticeable crazy. On its own and slightly edited, this chapter could be useful advice for women in my bracket (single, of age, hopeless-romantic, and needing some reassurance). But somehow I doubt it’s gonna stay this pretty…

An Exercise in Emotional Masochism: Preparing To Be A Helpmeet review intro

Soooo one of the Big Projects I talked about has begun… and oh what a project this one’s going to be.

For those who did not read my “let’s make grand plans and then totally forget I ever did that because I have the short-term memory of a gerbil” post — I’m going to be reading and reviewing at least a few Christian relationship//purity//womanhood books. The first one I acquired was about as bad as I thought it would be, but not bad in any kind of interesting way. The second one, and the first one I’ll actually be reviewing… yeah.

If you have any experience whatsoever in the super-Christian part of homeschooler-land, the surname “Pearl” is probably familiar. Depending on your perspective, they’re either second only to God or need to be put in jail // some other institution. (Public figures generally have polarizing reactions, but those two are on another level. You either love them or want them to die, period.) I’m not touching their “child-training” book because I do value what sanity I have left, and also because that one’s been done to death elsewhere. Debi’s Created To Be His Helpmeet has also been done to death, and with good reason. I read part of it a few years ago, and never have I ever questioned something’s cultural popularity that much. (Yes, this includes my complete lack of understanding of why Breaking Bad was such a critically acclaimed thing. Or what the CW’s renewal logic is, although I have accepted that the point there is more like what logic?! and yet I still watch half of their shows and get my hopes up when pilot season rolls around. Sigh. Rambling.)

Anyways, CTBHH is one of THOSE books. If you are female, exist in homeschooler-land in any capacity, and are old enough to theoretically get pregnant, you have run into it. My family’s intro to that beastie happened when I was maybe 18, through this one friend of my mother’s. This friend, who shall not be named, is very well intentioned and very gullible… and yet even she figured out that CTBHH was a level of crazy that she didn’t want to touch. Mind you, she still passed her copy onto my mother and our hate-reading of it got us through a particular family “vacation”, but the point stands. CRAZY.

When I was making my list for the review project, I discovered that Mrs. Pearl had gone and written a second book for women as a companion to CTBHH. This one, for unmarried (and presumably younger, because god help you if you don’t marry as soon as you’re legally old enough) women. Preparing To Be A Helpmeet is her take on the sub-genre of Helpful Books For Single Girls, and I’m excited – and equally terrified – to see where that goes.

(Disclaimer – posts for this series will be queued and published once a week. I’m gonna try to get through it as quickly as possible, but that doesn’t mean I want to inflict that on you lovelies. I’m nice, I swear!!)